I have a friend who loves children’s ministry. Her heart is for kids and helping them to know God, to know how much they are adored and loved by Jesus. She would do just about anything to help any child have the best opportunities to be amazing. She is gifting in seeing the needs of children. My passion and desire is for women to become strong and confident. To live in this confidence everyday as wives, mothers or employees and most of all to know who they are in Christ; loved and wonderful.
Now, when we have gone on trips together, she loves to visit the Disney stores, toy stores and kids clothing stores for her heart leaps as she finds the perfect gift for her kids. She knows it will bring them joy and a big smile. My desire is to go to women’s clothing stores, shoe stores so that I can find that perfect top, outfit or shoe to wear. I love going shopping with her when she is buying clothes because when she puts on that one outfit her shoulders go back, she stands tall and a smile is across her face. Helping women build confidence and strength brings joy to my heart.
Did you notice, we both have a similar passion but for different age groups? Both are great passions God has given us. However, it is wrong for me to expect this friend to be as passionate as I am about women and get upset when she does not respond as I do and vise versa. I am to encourage her in her passion and she encourages me in mine. We are to pray for one another and rejoice in the passion God has given to one another. Unfortunately, I have seen friendships torn apart in the church because of false expectations put upon one another. An expectation created because one became passionate and gave much time and effort to a specific area, and expect everyone else to as well. Let’s be clears – although the expectations put on someone else might be wrong, it is human nature to make others see things they way you do. It is growth and maturity in our walks with God that will help us to love one another for the gifting’s, strengths, talents we have along with where and how we are to use them.
Can I be vulnerable open for a moment? I am very guilty of this exact action. I have become resentful at times when I don’t see the response or reactions from Christians I expect. I complain, vent and become upset which breeds resentment. It is only by God’s amazing grace that I have learned this Truth over the last years. We are to serve, love and encourage one another without expecting each other to fulfill the calling God has placed on our own hearts. I am accountable to God for the gifts He has given me and how I use them obediently. Paul tells us in Romans 12: 3-8 how we are to use our gifts and work together to become a complete body. A body serves in the different ministries we are called to with love and encouragement.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with youra faith; 7if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,b do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Not only are we to use the gifting God has given us in the passion He places upon our hearts, we are to do so in love. He tells us this over and over in scripture. In Romans 12: 9-13 He commands us to love, be devoted and honor one another. This is not a suggestion, but a command.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
So, How do I go from putting false expectations, thinking people should serve, help and have a passion like mine, to loving and encouraging others in their passion and gifts?
- Recognize (discern) the moment you feel your spirit change from one of encouraging to one of judgement, jealousy or any kind of ugly spirit. I love the prayer Paul and Timothy prayed over the Philippians:
Philippians 1:9-10: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and profound insight, so that you can discern what is best, that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God
This is a great prayer for us to pray for one another as we serve where God leads. May God give us understanding and discernment to know what is best and live blameless for Christ. Am I placing false expectations on others, the church family, my own family? Lord, Help me to discern if my expectations are unrealistic, selfish and without love. Teach me how to encourage and exemplify humility as I lead.
- Pray! Ask God to rid you of this ugly spirit taking residence and do not entertain nor cooperate with it any End it right now! Psalm 139: 23-24 is a great prayer to pray asking God to search your heart:
Search me, O God, and know my heart, Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any offensive way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.
Let God sift anything, not of Him, out of you before it dirties your house any longer.
3. Obedience of action if required. We are to humble ourselves and go to the person we have offended or has offended us. We are to do this in love not condemnation regardless of the other person’s response. 1 Peter 3:8-13:
Finally, all of you, be like-minded and sympathetic, love as brothers, be tender-hearted and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn away from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are inclined to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”Who will harm you if you are zealous for what is good?
We are to love and encourage one another. We are to be tender and humble toward each other. I believe if we lived this way, the church, our relationships and marriages would be more honoring to God and one another. It’s easy to grow angry and feel jilted when things don’t go how we think they should go. If we step back, lay the judgements at Jesus’ feet without entertaining or cooperating with that spirit, we’d have less false expectations and more encouragement toward one another. I want to challenge you to look into your life and see where you have placed false expectations on your marriage, your children, your job, your church, or friends in your life. See if there are any you might have offended or taken offense too. Lift it up to God, then, listen as He guides you down the road of healing. Let’s put less false expectations on one another. Instead, let’s give more encouragement and lift one another up.
armslinkingarms 