The Mind Battle

THE MIND BATTLE

Have you ever felt that your mind was under attack with the “What If’s” and “Why’s” that seem to take our eyes God being in control?

I spent a week (Aug 23-Sept 1) with a team from OK and our church in AZ, along with a friend from FL, helping build a church in Teresina, Brazil. What a blessed time. Last year, 2018, I was taking my final round of chemo and could not go. Apparently, I had told my husband I felt led to go back in December and he purchased tickets but I did not remember the conversation. I was a little anxious going as it was a very busy short summer. I started a new job 3 weeks before going. SO, it was a little overwhelming making sure my work was going well, packing, my parents coming in town to watch our kids, needing a schedule of all that was going on with kids for my parents and arranging communication between church, school pick-ups, softball and anything else they might need while we were away. Leaving for the trip, I was already rushed feeling, a little anxious, not normally a road I go down, but aware I was not spiritually prepared as in past years.

We got to Teresina and I was hoping to work with a friend, serving with the children’s ministry, and I did a couple of days. I also spent time with my husband, very needed for me, while we worked on the building.  In the past, I sat in the evangelism room most days and seldom hung out at the worksite. This time, I was able to be wherever and with whomever. Really did not have a specific role. On one end that is very odd, but in hindsight, I am starting to believe God had other plans for me.  Throughout the week, I dealt with pride, frustration, disappointment, and feeling like a failure. I was asked by one of the translators, Lo, who always helped Daniel and me in the past if I was going to do a woman’s night again?. To which I quickly responded “NO”. I was not feeling confident or ready as I have been struggling with speaking, to anyone these days, much less in front of people. I have been down on myself and my abilities to speak post brain surgery. I threw her question down quickly. During the week, as I watched one of our ladies minister with passion, joy and a very sensitive spirit. I felt myself get jealous, continually thinking, that used to be me.

On Friday night, we had the new building service with a packed house as Ray Strauss spoke. During this time, I went to a lady from Ray’s group and began to just weep as I needed to talk and she was very open and willing. In the next 30 minutes to an hour, she called me out as God led her and I received it openly. She shared how she heard me say “I  want “a lot and encouraged me to turn that into “God Wants instead”. She continued on as I began to share my struggles and she gently grabbed my hands and said: “Mindy, God loves you!” The tears began to flow. I knew this but for some reason, I needed to actually hear it said. Sharon prayed for me and we went back for the end of the service.

What I have learned from my week in Brazil is that my mind was in a battle and I had been listening to the enemy. I desired to give up because things were not going the way I wanted them to go and in the way I wanted them to happen. By chance have you found yourself fighting God, comparing yourself to others, wishing you were different? Reality is that these are all self-focused questions. I have known that pride is a huge battle for me and maybe that was why God had me go on this trip. It was not until 4:15pm on September 2, that it all came together with tears flowing down my face. I was listening to Laura Story’s song Blessings and decided to look up the album,  a song titled “Grace” caught me and I felt led to listen. After getting off the phone with mom, I watched the video with the lyrics so the words could sink into my mind. I will post it now and if you have time please listen. This was exactly what was going on inside of me.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BVxAYGt2kc

Below I am going to list what God showed me and what scripture says.

1. I struggled with confidence; I keep looking back to how God had made me passionate, confident in the calling on my life before cancer. The problem was I kept looking, and living in the past of who I was before the brain tumor and thinking it was all over now and God had passed the confidence and passion on to others.
   1. PRIDE: has a way of knocking us down and taking our eyes off of God. If you notice, Pride has “I’ right in the middle. I lived this out as

“I want to do this my way, God.” Basically, I am in control attitude.

“I made this happen God.” Here, I am telling God I am putting myself in His place. The above song posted writes the lyrics this way: “I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.” Reality is, none of the things I have done are in my strength or ability but from God above and His plans. Oh, how easy it is to be swayed by the devil that we are in control and can make things happen. 1 Timothy 4 warns us against falling into deceptive spirits and teachings. How we need to be reminded of who God is and all He has done in our lives. It is too easy to think we are high and mighty; taking God’s glory instead of giving Him the glory. Even walking through cancer, I had moments where I believed I would think it was my positive thinking or strength and that holds no truth. God graciously would remind me it was not of me that I was healed, but of Him alone and solely for His glory.

Many times, since my brain surgery,  I would tell my husband, “They are so much better at that than me and maybe God is done with me.” to which a pity party ensued and I was miserable. My husband never fell for it and would immediately pray for me and no doubt is getting tired of this “woe is me” attitude. Yet, he patiently attends to me, encourages me along with challenging me to keep chasing God.

1. 1. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Philippians 2:3
2. I struggled with jealousy, I kept looking at my friend and saying, “I used to be that way” and jealousy would creep up on me like a snake and cause me to not rejoice in how God was using her, but instead beat myself up, which again causes the focus to be on me instead of God.
   1. JEALOUSY: takes all the joy away from us and again eyes are off God and on self. Notice the word lousy is in jealousy. That is exactly how I had begun to feel and dragging others there if I am not careful. Thankful that God never leaves us there and as the song above asks, “How Many times will You pick me up?” I love it and am so very thankful He keeps picking me up, shaping me and loving me regardless of my pity parties, selfish decisions, and the many times I try to take control. He does not give up on me and has so much for me even though I will continually let Him down, He forgives and lifts me up.
      1. “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs14:30how I wish I had read this over and over and applied to my life. I could have avoided this pain and cause for some not coming to know Christ.
3. Lastly, I struggled with SELFISHNESS: I turned to my husband one night on the bus and said, for probably the 100th time post brain cancer surgery, “I am done, I am giving up! This is too hard and basically, no one is coming to me, as if I was God. I had picked up a God complex and again, I was the miserable one, isolating myself from others instead of the other way around. This was the hardest part of the trip for me, realizing the UGLINESS living inside my heart. But if that was God’s reason for me going  then, it was worth it to see this now instead of more years of pain, and worse, possibly causing some not to follow Christ.
   1. “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and EVERY evil thing.” James 3:16

Please understand, I share this with a very heavy heart as someone out there might be struggling with these same feelings and I want to encourage you to get battle-ready: How do you do that?

1.  ARMOR UP: Ephesians 6 is the best start
2.  PRAYER: “Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 when we do this, we keep our minds on God instead of our situations or circumstances we will be covered by His peace and hand of comfort.
3. ACCOUNTABILITY: Surround yourself with godly friends to hold you up in prayer and in your daily walk. I have friends along with my husband who always holds me accountable to what I say. They also check in on me now more than ever knowing my struggles. They also see God in me and what He can do so they hold me up in prayer with this understanding, instead of my “woe is me” view and it does help me to change my point of view.

During the week in Brazil, one of the missionaries, Rodrigo, stopped me and told me he saw my old smile back. Honestly, I laughed and did not believe him,  but he said it again, and I knew it was from God. My outside had that smile but my inside was shoving it down and trying to deny it coming out. Thank you, Rodrigo, for being persistent and not letting me walk away from this conversation. God used you, friend, and I will not forget! Much love and gratefulness!!!

Maybe you can relate to some of these issues, I pray God will use this honesty to challenge you to seek Him and be in His word. Honesty can be good if used to bring people to Christ but often times it is used to uplift one’s self or to clear one’s conscience, I have been guilty of this before. So, please chase after God and seek Him out. Here is a promise from Jeremiah 29. The Israelites continued to choose what they wanted before God’s desires for them and yet He still encouraged, warned and gave them chance after chance. This is for us too. Jeremiah leaves us with a word from God to encourage us to seek His desires first; though God does not like it, He does not give up on us and will always forgive us and give us a chance to change our ways. May this be a huge encouragement for you in your struggle, whatever it may be, that God is not done with you yet. He has so much more for you if you will let Him show you your faults, let Him clean you out, forgive you, raise you up and mold you into the amazing person He still wants to be your God and use you that other’s might come to know Him. Come along with me and let’s commit to doing this together today. Jeremiah 29:11-13

“For I KNOW the PLANS that I have FOR YOU,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare (Good) and not for calamity (harm) to GIVE YOU a FUTURE and a HOPE. 12‘Then you WILL call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I WILL (promise) listen to you. 13‘You WILL seek Me and find Me WHEN you search for Me with ALL your heart.”  We are in such GREAT hands friends!!!!

Father, I pray for whoever might be reading this tonight or in the morning. I ask that Your Spirit will fall all over them in love and peace. May they no longer beat themselves up for not attaining to perfection, recognizing that is impossible, but instead turn to You and live in Your unending sufficient grace and help me to do so as well. Thank You for loving Your children who mess up time and time again. Thank You for forgiving us and giving us many chances to shine bright for You. We love you, Father, amen.  May

24″The Lord bless you and keep you;
25  the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26  the Lord lift uphis countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

Have a wonderful weekend and keep looking up to God, He is waiting and ready to meet you where you are right now.