LIVING Unashamed because of God’s Mercy

How often have we avoided God because we are ashamed to approach His throne? The specific words rang loudly from the radio!”God, I run into your arms because of mercy. I am overwhelmed by you , I am overwhelmed by  you!I was driving this morning and the song “Overwhelmed” by “Big Daddy Weave” plays. I have heard this song over and over again. Today, the above  line stood out strong. So many Christians, in our world today, walk around believing this lie from satan, I am not good enough, when I don’t feel guilty anymore I can go to God again, Maybe when things change I can run to God’s arms.(reality is, not until we decide to change how we are choosing to live will we  ourselves run into His forgiving arms)  GUESS WHAT? Things are not going to change as we live in a fallen world where most people, including Christians, chase after darkness and live in a prison of shame, fear, doubt, unforgiveness. The book of Psalm 107:10-11″Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains. for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High” Are you feeling chained to your sins? Are you feeling ashamed because you chose not to obey God’s word and run the opposite WAY, avoiding God at all cost? Today that can all change.  How can I change you ask?

This week is Easter, when christians throughout the world celebrate all Jesus Christ did for them  We don’t have to live in shame! Because of God’s great love for us; He sent His One and ONLY son that we would be eternally forgiven and be given the chance to live a life full of freedom. Do you believe that Christ still loves you regardless of what you have done and you do’t have to live under the weight of your shame? Romans 8:38-39 speak to each of us…

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Today, you, Christian or not, may feel that you have too much to be ashamed for from your past or present. Maybe you missed out on grasping GOd’s infinite mercy. I want to encourage you today by hopefully helping you  understand how much God loves you and desires for you not to live in the shame of the world but to be free

How do I live in this kind of freedom?

1. MUST BE IN GOD’S WORD:Psalm 119: 32 is believed to be written by Ezra, the priest a he is talking about how great and true God’s word is… “I shall run the way of Your commandments (laws, , For You WILL enlarge (Widen, grow) my heart(inner man, will and even intellect).  verse 45 “I will walk about in freedom for I have sought out your precepts (Laws, commandments, statutes,
2. Believe AND LIVE God’s word out in your life: It is very easy to say scripture and share all of your knowledge about scripture but actually living it out is VERY HARD. Even Paul, a great disciple of Jesus’ shares with us how hard it is to live all the time with not mistakes.said in Romans 7:15-23:  15For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.  21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members
   and  than your sin! Today, leave all of your shame at the foot of the cross and rise renewed, re engaged and Relit from Gods amazing, overwhelmed and forgiving arms. It’s never too late.
3. Know you WILL Mess up;ask forgiveness each time and start over! 1 John 1:9″ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and WILL forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness.” Does not matter how many times you sin. He died on the cross thousands of years ago and those sins died with Him. He already bore them for you so you can live free and one day with Him in perfect, peaceful, heaven. So, leave any shame at the foot of the cross.
4. NOW stand up in the righteousness of Christ:  2 Corinthians 5:21 “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him”

I want you to think about this… Paul, one of Jesus’ closest disciples, at one time, murdered God’s children, tortured with the goal to rid the world of all christians. God forgave Paul,read Acts 9 for his whole conversion testimony, Paul, found the loving, merciful, gracious, forgiving, God that he tried to rid the world of. IF Paul, can lay aside his sins, knowing he murdered God’s children, we can lay our lust, lies, fears, shames and things satan wants to use to keep us away from God’s word.

Due to a friend sending me a book about Jim Downing, of the Navigators Ministry, I started reading books about Dawson Trotsman, who started this ministry, and how it was  by memorizing scripture he came to know the Lord. I am a huge advocate for memorizing scripture!!!! WE HAVE to be in scripture for our lives to be transformed and truly living it out in this world. My number  1 way to be different in this world will always be to get into scripture EVERYDAY!!!!!! Engrave it on your heart!!!! One of the things I love about my husbands preaching/teaching is how he inundates it with God’s word. Uses the Bible and its word for He knows the Holy Spirit will work through God’s word more than his stories and own words. I so love him for that more and more every year. What a great example for me and my kids.

Father God, today, bless your children with bringing Your Great Word to their mind in the moments they need to hear Your voice remind them of how much you Love them and can work through them. REMind them your are not calling them to live in shame, but if anything, calling them to live in Freedom!!!! THANK YOU LORD for your unending love and forgiveness. Thank you for not giving up even when we try to run away.  Thank you for being my constant strength, peace, joy, hope, love and righteousness.

GALATIANS 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. STAND FIRM, then, and DO NOT let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery”. which leads to my last point.

5. DO NOT PICK IT BACK UP: and be bonded by a yoke of slavery!! LIVE FREE!! It is a choice you have to make today to lay your sin down and walk with God. NO one can do this for you nor can anyone’s faith be your faith. YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE CHRIST YOURSELF and choose the steps you take each day and to believe God’s word.

Prayer Request Update 3-28-18

Praise Report

I sent out a prayer request last week to pray for continuity of coverage for our main two doctors I see now. Really, Dr. Phuphanich, my oncologist, is the main Dr I see through October. The rest, Neurosurgeon and Neuro Radiologist I hope to never have to see again.

Thank you all for your prayers as they both have been approved through our health insurance until July 1 which we will have to ask them to sign all paperwork extending until October and then it should be done. Thank you for your faithful prayers and encouragement as we travel this road. God’s hand has sat upon us greatly and each day provides strength, courage, hope, joy and peace. we have been working with Christine at the corporate office of Health Net. She has been wonderful and took care of all 6 requests I laid out in the original email to her. Know, you are a huge part of these answered prayers and I greatly appreciate each one lifted up.

Most of the days have been great. I have tried to go to the gym each day just to keep my attitude up and body becoming stronger. Unfortunately last night I ended up with a UTI that is keeping me home today as I do’t want any complications before having blood work on Monday for our mtg with oncologist on Tuesday. These little hiccups are not fun, but little fixable bumps. I will be seeing a doctor this afternoon to see if there is anything they can give to help rid me of the infection but not lower white blood cell counts or mess with my platelets. That would be my only prayer request for the doctors to take care of the UTI so it does not become something worse.

Again, thank you for your prayers. encouragement. love and support. It takes a village and I am so very thankful for mine – all of you.

Turning Tomorrow’s Fear into Confidence in God’s plan for Your Future.

This past Tuesday was the lowest point I have had since beginning the whole “brain cancer journey”.  The day began knowing I would be working out with a friend but not until noon. I get up each morning to say goodbye to the kids before school, but this day I went back to my bed and laid around, watched “Schindler’s list” – not the most encouraging, pick up the spirit movie; good, but not a motivational movie for the attitude and heart. a better use of my time would have been reading God’s word and praying!. Now, the night before I awoke multiple times to the words of “Depression” and “Suicide” out of nowhere- these words do not exist in my mind for me a I know God has more for me.  The devil tried to have a hay day with me on Tuesday and at one point I began to fear the next chemo treatment and its still 2 weeks away. For a moment God brought to mind the Israelites and how they were constantly taken care of and God always provided their needs, YET, they  constantly worried about what each day, month, moment would bring and the “What If’s” that may not happen instead of looking back and being reminded of what all God had already done.

1. Learn what your triggers are that can pull you down and avoid them or make another plan, just in case.  ( I now know I can not lay around in the mornings as it causes me to sink)
2. Start the day with God’s word and prayer (communication with Him). You can not go wrong beginning the day in this joyful, peaceful, fellowship with God.
3. Memorize and be on guard as John 10:10 tells us. ” The thief (Satan)comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Christ) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (abundantly, above)”. Jesus desires for us to not live in fear and down in the dumps. David writes in Psalm 121:1-3 “I Lift up my eyes to the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will NOT let your foot slip, he who watches over you WILL NOT slumber. ” BE reminded that God does not abandon you in your day of trouble nor snooze.He is fully aware of every thought, struggle, approach satan wants to make on you. God already knows how to battle it and goes before you, behind you and has you in His mighty hands. SO, DO NOT FEAR what may come.
4. Make a list of all that God has done. On the downer days, make this your go-to reading to be reminded of God’s never ceasing faithfulness in Your life.  On Wednesday, I got to the gym early, then sat at Starbucks to read and write I knew I needed a lot of time with God and His encouraging words. Made the biggest difference as I began to lean on His everlasting arms of strength, encouragement and love. It did not hurt that I swung y a friends just in time for her break as we sat, encouraged one another, laughed and talked about God and all He has been doing in our lives, friendship and where He has us ministering at our churches, communities and other lives. Can’t go wrong when your discussion is all about God and His truths. This is why we MUST LEARN SCRIPTURE!!!!!!! “BLESSED (happiness)are They whose ways are blameless (Sound, complete), who walk according to the law (direction) of the Lord. Blessed (Happiness are they who keep (observe, guard, keep watch over)his statues, and seek him with all their heart )Psalm 119:1-2. I love how Ezra, the priest, is explaining that those who seek God and know His Word, are happy and sound, complete. I do believe we must come to know His direction only by reading His word and praying (communicating) with Him. otherwise, we are like the Israelites who panic at the first whiff of change, disturbance or negative moment in our life and fear gets planted; We start to sway and run off of our emotions instead of trusting in God’s direction, even if we think we know a better way.
5. Make sure you approach the throne before any major decisions. Let God arm You with His strength and wisdom. Pray up individually and as a couple, family – (great living example for kids to see the process too.)
6. Find an accountability partner to help you in those moments when you know you are being pulled down. They will help with perspective and remind you of all God has done so far-give them permission to speak into your life) I am very fortunate to have my family, who constantly reminds me of God’s power, a husband who points me to scripture, a dear friend in town who points my eyes up in an instant, reminding me of all that God has done since October. Unfortunately, we will have days that bring us down and its nice to have the voices of gentleness, hope, encouragement, reminding you who has you regardless of what your circumstances are telling you.  I am not always honest of how I feel with everyone, but I do have my sister, mom, Daniel and a dear friend or two who I will share my most trusted pain with some days. Vulnerability has always been a hard one for me as I am usually the motivated, determined one to see the better perspective and God in most circumstances, when my own bias or hurt is not blinding my selfish eyes.
7. Don’t focus on what you can’t see happening and lay it all in God’s hands.

On Tuesday, after getting home and reading Scripture for a while, my heart was lifted and much better perspective! Before you live in the circumstance of depression, bitterness, anger, doubt or fear, jump into God’s word and let Him become your refuge, stronghold and cornerstone. The main question becomes, “Do you really trust God to do what He says He will do and do you trust God to be who He says He is? You must make that decision now, don’t wait or you will be lost in your circumstance and miss out on an amazing life God has for you ahead. I am fully aware that this will not be my last day of struggle. We were never promised and easy life, we were actually promised hardship in this world because of our love for God. So, what are you going to do to live differently so people will see God in you and not the world?

I could so easily dwell on the fact they my brain cancer does not go into “Remission” but has a likely chance of coming back worse during the rest of my life and satan tried so hard to run this over an over in my head while I was stretching on Tuesday.  “Why try to get back in shape as it will only be taken away again?” do you get these type of thoughts and distractions? be on guard as these are not from God, but from the devil who wants to distract you away from God’s promises and words. Don’t listen to them, lean on God to fill your thoughts and heart with His truths and promises.

Regardless if the tumor comes back or not, God has me and still wants to use me for some reason on this earth. Here goes nothing.

Blessings and may God make His Glorious face shine on you today. Don’t look at your circumstances for you may miss out in the moment.

Post Upped Chemo Report #1 3-19-18

Thank you Sherrie Ledbetter, David Ledbetter and our new friend Jerri (Sherrie’s sister) who brightened our day at lunch. I went to Oregano’s for the first time since I had my seizure on October 23, 2017. It has happy memories as of now and was a delicious meal. Oh the things we miss out on when we live in the fears or hurts of our past experiences instead of the What Is Now! Sherrie took this picture in celebration!!! PRAISING GOD for HIS unending goodness!

Today was a great day! Felt more myself than I have since I started taking the chemo a week ago Fortunately, I only took it for 5 nights and then am off for 3 weeks, than depending on my white blood cell counts and platelets, will determine if they up it again or leave it the same. I am actually hoping they leave it the same. I did get a little tired on Saturday and Sunday. Had a little down moment on Saturday afternoon, Sunday was a good day as we worshipped and fellowshipped with friends from Texas and our church family here in AZ. I had a little moment of dread on Sunday afternoon as we went to bed wondering how my week would go? The kids go back to school and I could feel (key word) myself starting to feel (there it is again)lonely. I prayed knowing, God has my week and trusting Him to provide each days plans and I am just walking the journey, whatever may come my way.

I go to the gym earlier than I have since the surgery. I run into some friends from church and a friend I have worked out with for years now. That was encouraging to chat and catch up. Next, I go to Starbucks with my water to sit and do a little bible study, study session. Starbucks expanded and built a much bigger one so the room is no longer crowded and I am thankful as two friends from town surprised me by walking up to chat. Hugs and a very encouraging conversation ensued. God knew exactly what I needed and provided encouragement, friends and a great scripture to break down for me. “Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer!. David was talking with God and the preceding verses are just as important. If you have time, go read Psalm 19:7-14. David recognizes first, God’s word is perfect and the most precious item he needed in his life and letting us come to understand the same in our own lives today. As we move to verses 12-13 David is asking God to help him not willfully sin. David is asking God for discernment and that sin would not rule over his own life. He was pleading with God for help as he knew ONLY God could help him. Matthew Henry comments in one of his commentaries on these verses below:

“David not only desired to be pardoned and cleansed from the sins he had discovered and confessed, but from those he had forgotten or overlooked. All discoveries of sin made to us by the law, should drive us to the throne of grace, there to pray.”

During the time of study, God reminded me so many times how the meditations (sounds or thoughts  in my head an heart do not honor Him, but moreso are from a very selfish, self righteous place of ignorance and pride).

In studying the verse, I went to the lexicon and searched for the meanings of the words

May the words of my mouth and the meditation(solemn sounds, resounding music or thoughts in my head) of my heart (feelings, intellect) be pleasing (a delight) in your sight (God’s face and favor) O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer.

After reading through this verse, I understood how I had let some little fears and woe’s creep into my mind. These little distractions, I meditated on,  do not please God, but He is ever so faithful to forgive and reminded me through different scriptures and He uses people to remind me of His goodness  as I seek and chase after Him. I love sitting in His presence through His word.

Father, as each of us approach our days, remind us that You know our thoughts before we do and use that to keep us alert to what we allow in our minds, gossip, judgement, impurities, hate, anger, unkindness, jealousy, fears, envy, whether of another or negative thoughts about ourselves. Satan would love to use any of this to destroy Your children so we are not used to be light in this world. Be our strength, joy, hope, shining bright on our countenance each day. May our meditations (thoughts) be on You and who You are instead of what we do to see in this world. Remind us not to base our days off how we “feel” but off of Your words from Romans 8:17″ And if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. not only are we His children, but since God is victorious, that makes us victorious as well because we are in His family. Each day we awake to the promise that pushes us to persevere and be the bright light He called us to be every day of our lives.Phillippians 4:13 tells us how we can live this way: ” I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” It is God who gives each of us strength, we ourselves will NEVER be able to have strength on our own. We will fail and give up if we are not leaning on the everlasting, ever powerful arms of Jesus Christ. Lord, arm Your children with the strength to stand and shine bright each day wherever they work, live, go to school, walk and converse with others. May Your people begin to change their meditations to be all about You and how You call us to live. Thank you Lord for Your unending faithfulness and patience with us each day.

How do I meditate on God’s word and not focus on my own feelings, thoughts, intellect?

1. Begin in prayer (MOST IMPORTANT) to God to take all distractions away.
2. Find a place you can regularly sit and make it your place for reading scripture and ask God to move His Spirit in you as you read and give you understanding. Make it your place to meet with God each day. He will meet you there; IN Jeremiah 29:13, God tells His people “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart”; Not just a promise for them, but for all of us. Take that time you set aside and search for Him with ever part of you.
3. STUDY for UNDERSTANDING I also use http://www.biblehub.com as I like Matthew Henry’s commentaries and some others if I worry I am misunderstanding a verse. Come to understand the culture as you read scripture to understand why they lived the way they did. Don’t rush and if you go one verse by one verse, that is OK as too much can overwhelm and make you give up.  Get involved in a local bible study to learn how if you have never done one before. 
4. JOURNAL: Start writing down what God is showing you in your own life and watch how it begins to affect each part of your days. Write prayer requests and praises with names besides each. Date them and write specifics so you are aware of them when a day of struggle comes. Great reminders of God’s faithfulness and goodness in your life and others you have been lifting up to God.
5. Ask God to clean out your heart/mind so you can move forward with a pure heart and clean conscience before HIm. Just as David desired to be freed from sins he forgot to confess. Ask God to bring to mind anything you need to confess to Him and possibly ask forgiveness from another that is keeping your heart in a place of bitterness and unforgiveness. God knows and He alone can heal that brokenness in you.

Resting In The Shadow of God Almighty

Just like a Sequoia tree covers all underneath

Lord, You cover me as I rest and release

My worries, fears, hopes and dreams into Your hands

In faith, trusting Your Word and plans

You cover me in the shadows of Your protection

No doubt upholding me in your everlasting affection

The Sequoia tree so grand and strong

Raises its arms high to God, its creator and to whom it belongs.

May I rest in the shadow of Your Everlasting Arms

Not fearing any future harms.

Father, Designer, Molder of my heart

So thankful I don’t have

to ever live apart.

The canopy of your leaves give me shade

As I sit underneath, Especially on the dark and gloomy days

You let the sun shine just at the moments and specific times.

The perfect uplifting, encouraging, glorious chime

Throughout my days may I always be in awe of

Resting in the arms of your protective love.

Be a light in the darkness

Throughout this whole journey, One thing has become very clear from God. No matter the day, the week, the hour, We are to be His lights in a very dark world. It is very easy to get caught up in all the ugliness and disappointment in this world and forget that in the midst of these things, we, God’s children are to be lights. No just glimmers here and there, but we are supposed to shine bright all day long. I was reading in Psalm 18 this morning and God took me to verse 28 “You Oh lord, Keep my lamp burning, my God turns my darkness into light.”

Just as I was writing this post, a dear friend and very bright light in my life and many others just happened to call and check in on me, He was like a father figure, in my life, when my parents moved away for a time to Connecticut, and he still finds a way to shine God’s light on me now through a phone call, Possible chance  to come out and visit, he shares how he still gets to help out with other ministries, love on his mother and the laughter they share together, time with his grandkids and of course his amazing wife.  Light is not just given in one form, we have so many ways to be a light in this world.

How do we continue to live in light when all around us seems dark.

1. Be in God’s word first each morning. ” 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:31-34)
2. Pray and communicate with God about all that is going on in your life while releasing any bitterness, frustration, expectations to Him.’And pray in the Spirit on  ALL occasions with ALL kinds of prayers and requests.” –Ephesians 6:18; throughout the book of Psalm; we read where David brought every kind of prayer to God trusting the God would provide strength, refuge, Hope, Peace, guidance, love, leadership, power and joy from anything he was going through at the time. We still have that hope and ability today. Don’t pass up communicating with God please.
3. FIND ACCOUNTABILITY:  Someone you trust and can talk with in the moments you begin to struggle. to call upon and ask to cover you in prayer and check in on you to make sure you are still chasing God and believing His word. (on Monday, I took the boys to get their hair cuts and our hair dresser is one of my dearest friends out here in AZ. I was sharing with her how God had given me the words of hope and not to fear what the week of a higher dosage chemo would do to me. I had watched a video of another person, who had gone through what I had and fear stepped through the door as he shared that the medicine manifested itself through depression. God reminded me I am not that person and He alone has already brought me this far so why do I begin to fear now that it will change?, My friend looked at me and said, ” I was wondering when you would get it!”. You have not responded like most people going through this so why would you let the door open now to fearing? Having this accountability is good and encouraging as I knew she was praying for me to encounter God, not just get well, but know God and His power. That prayer was answered. She is also seeing me trust and live this out in front of her as well. I am to be a light in a world that can draw us into depression, disappointment, fear and doubting God. We need each other to point one another to Jesus daily and His word.
4. Memorization and understanding of Scripture; My husband teaches our kids new bible verses each week or every other week. We do not pay for chores as that is part of the duty of being in this family; we pay our children based upon memory verses they learn. The most recent one they learned was Jeremiah 9:23-24 “THIS IS what the Lord says: “Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom (by the way, boast here means  confidence (or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boast, boast about this; that he understands and knows me. that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight. So if we were to trade out boast for the word confidence her is how it would read: “This is what the Lord says ” let not the wise man be confident of his wisdom or the strong man be confident in his strength or the rich man be confident in his riches, but let he who is confident, be confident in that he understands and knows ME. that I AM the Lord who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight. One more time you could read it this way: This is what the Lord says, “Let not the wise man put his confidence in his wisdom or his confidence in his strength or his confidence in his money, but let him puts his confidence but it in understanding and knowing ME. This brings it into so much clarity. Just researching and understanding the context, culture and meaning of words helps us to grasp who God is and what He wants for our lives so much clearer.

For me to be a light in this world, I have to put all of my confidence in understanding and knowing Christ. Unfortunately, it is so very easy to be pulled down into the doldrums of life, the heartaches of this world, the disappointments and hurt brought on by others. Even just our very own feelings can take our eyes away from God’s word. BUT  if we read scripture and really meditate on it, we have a better understanding of what God has called us to – HIM; which is not doom and gloom, but Joy, Peace, Hope, a newness only He can give to each on of us. We are to be this light in how we live each day no matter the circumstances that surround us.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven(Matthew 5:1″13-16 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; NOT as the world gives do I give to you. Let NOT your heart be troubled, NEITHER let it be afraid.” What a wonderful gift we have been given at our fingertips and so easily for us to grasp each day. BUT we must be before God first, no matter what. make time for Jesus so His peace, love, joy, hope, strength can flow in and through you for whatever may come that day. How can we be lights if our eyes stay on the waves, thorns, difficulities that lie on the path before us each day?

God never said this life would be easy, actually, He said the opposite. “These things I have spoken to you, that in “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me (again, we have to be before God first to receive peace, hope, joy, strength) you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; BUT (Hope) be of good cheer, I HAVE overcome the world.”

God has given each of us the command to be a light in this world. We are to be a “City on a hill”(We are to stand out shining bright, not  hidden behind fear, doubt, circumstances and heartache). Though those are much easier to follow than God’s word sometimes. the challenge right now is to live out scripture. Start hiding it in your heart and binding it around your neck so when the devil tries to bring you down you can return scripture of God’s hope in his little face.

prayer request for a friend.3-12-18

From Daniel and I’s friend Shannon Lude ( We met in the ER before my surgery) God put us together for a reason!  I have been asking you to pray for her, I just received an update. My doctor here wants me on a different chemo than the doc there started me on, so I get to start infusions in 2 weeks. New MRI shows new tumor growth in the center of my brain. Inoperable because of it’s location and radiation isn’t an option because it would cause too much damage to memory and speech areas of the brain. So I’m looking at optune, getting ready to start a new

chemo, and avastin

for those not familiar with brain tumors, the white cloudy spots are tumors. Not what you want to see. Please join us in praying for Shannon as she has children she is concerned about along with medical bills. Thank you for praying for a miracle and financial provisions. I believe God still does miracles today

Praises and Prayer Requests 3-6-18

In our bathroom is a board made about 3 years ago before we knew Brain tumor would be in our lives much less our daily conversations. But, each morning as I sit in the bathroom chair to get ready, my day starts reading Psalm 18:32 “It is God WHO Arms me with strength and MAKES my way Secure or Perfect, depending on which translation you use. The New American Standard Bible uses these words “IT is God who Girds (Encompasses,BInds,  equips me with Strength (Wealth, efficiency, army – meaning a force, whether of men, means or other sources-from the Lexicon \ (Hebrew and Greek explanation from  Bible Hub.com)and continues that God makes our way blameless otherwise meant as perfect, blemish free. ONLY God alone can do this and did when ,He alone, died on the cross. AS i begin to share the praises and then ask for some more specific prayers, I will be basing my specific prayer request off of believing this verse as God alone has been my strength through all of this and will continue until it it over.

Praises: Provision (financially, physically, mentally) and support for family. God never left me and never will. I love what the song “Give me Faith” from Elevation Worship raises up to GOd. “I May be Weak, But YOUR SPIRIT IS strong in me, My flesh may fail, But MY GOD, YOU NEVER will, Give me Faith to trust what You say that YOU’RE GOOD and YOUR LOVE is GREAT! I am broken inside, I give you my life, it goes on to repeat the first phrase all over and over again. I know my flesh may fail, but I know God is greater than cancer, always has been and always will be. it will not destroy my faith.

So, my mom was sharing how she listened to some of Matt Chandler’s testimony of how he dealt with the high dosages of chemo. It manifested itself with a darkness he referred to has depression, something he is not familiar with. AS I listened to him share, I won’t lie, a little fear awoke, as next week I start a dosage twice as much what I took in January. Satan would love to use this to freak me out and make me not trust God if nasaeu or depression set in(I had post pardom depression, after Matthew. some information is good to read up on, but can become a source of doubt and fear if we let it fester. But God constantly reminds me I am not Matt Chandler, nor anyone else who has gone through this and will not respond the same as they did. But it is ALWAYS good topray up and be prepared for the battle that lies ahead. Constantly being reminded God is in Control of EVERYTHING. my responses, my emotions, heartaches, battles, cancer, hopes, joys and I do not have to let fear of what I may or may not do next weak in response to this chemo take over my mind or heart. My prayer request for you is to pray against the spirit of darkness next week.

Again, God reminded me, so many people told you how you would react and respond throughout this whole journey so far and guess what, YOU have NOT responded in anyway as they assumed you would. I AM IN CONTROL MINDY, not the doctors, nurses, other people or their  “what WILL happen to you”. This would be my first, praise that God made Himself and HIS power known in this way first and foremost. Second, through YOU being involved by praying, encouraging, God was brought into your presence each time for dependency, as you loved me through His Arms of prayer and strength, Lastly, the Praise in advance, that God again, will continue to protect me physically as I take higher dosages of chemo through October.

Prayer Requests: (Please pray these with ALL confidence, hope and Faith) Praying Psalm 18:32 over me daily.

1. I would not have the side effects of depression or naseua
2. I would have plenty of energy as it is spring break for my kids to enjoy life with them daily.
3. Continued strength and health of my White Blood Counts, Platelets and all else they test before and after. That God will use this as a testimony to the dr’s and nurses of His Mighty Hand. May I glow and shine bright as His light each time I walk into their offices. No mistake of who is in control in their eyes either.
4. Pray for my family as they walk this journey with me, peace, comfort and reminder that God also arms them with strength each day too.
5. Continued prayers for Mike and Sara Stevens as he finished his radiation tomorrow and he will be healed.
6. Pray for Shannon Lude, Her new tumor spot will miraculously go away and that the radiation and new chemo she has will not knock her down, but she will remain healthy,
7. Pray for PastorJohn Williams and his family as he is no longer doing treatments, for peace, comfort, financial provisions, encouragement, surrounding to God’s people around them to help with anything needing to be done around the house, with the kids and wherever needs are requested.
8. Please pray for Zach and Christine Jones as God is healing him, He still has a long road of recovery ahead, and prayer is always needed.
9. Please pray for Julie Keim that the tumor behind her ear would stop growing and miraculously be gone by the next scan. I believe God is greater than any of the sickness in this world and can work miracles wherever He so desires.

Even as we lift these prayers up, just because they are not answered how we would prefer and in our time frame, does not mean He is not working for His glory. His works in my life through this tumor have been a great blessing. I remember praying through a very bitter time in my life last year for God to remove this ugliness from me, did not assume He would literally remove it, but I when ugly thoughts come into my head, I am reminded of the 2nd chance He has given me and not worth going down that road again. Yet, another praise, from my perspective. I am clinging to His words of Philippians 4:8“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.’ How many times have I shared this and taught it, but ignored it? More than I care to admit to anyone. God has blessed me with a second chance to not go down that road and as I don’t want the ugliness back, I find it easier to quote this verse and let go.  He did work for His glory by changing me. Scripture binded to our hearts, mind and then lived out is stronger than anything else we can imagine. God says we are to be a light in this dark world where so many chase the darkness. Let’s make a difference and be the Light in this world of darkness. How are you going to be God’s Light  today, these week, the rest of your time on earth?

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Cancer’s hole Will NOT become my Prison.

This picture shows a hole in my head that was the cancer taken out during surgery. One thing I have come to learn on this journey is how easy we can be distracted if we are not rooted in God’s word and truly believing what He says is true. I have had quite a few moments where I questioned all going on in my life. Anxiety about when too much is going on, can not answer a question, or can not focus, tries to take over; The moments when fear of what cancer will do in the future. What corners it is sneaking around in the years to come or the doubtful moments (things I will never be able to control or ever did) even the doubtful moments; “Did we do the right thing so far?”(so many different articles, testimonies out there that can be distracting) satan is the author of confusion and distress (he uses people, opinions from all over, . We have to stand firm against him and the only way is through scripture and believing what God’s mighty word alone says. ‘Psalm 144 shares David’s confidence in Christ even when being hunted;“ Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hand for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, My shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.”

It was thought that the caves could have felt like a prison to David and feeling confined to them daily. We can so easily let our circumstances, difficulties become prisons but that is not how God intends for us to live. Be like David an cry out to God instead and let Him guide you through each day. See below for some ways God revealed , to me,  through David’s life in Psalm 142  how to not let cancer and the hole in my head become my prison.

I cry aloud to the Lord;

I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.

2I pour out before him my complaint;

before him I tell my trouble.

3When my spirit grows faint within me,

it is you who watch over my way.

In the path where I walk

people have hidden a snare for me.

4Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;

no one is concerned for me.

I have no refuge;

no one cares for my life.

5I cry to you, Lord;

I say, “You are my refuge,

my portion in the land of the living.”

6Listen to my cry,

for I am in desperate need;

rescue me from those who pursue me,

for they are too strong for me.

7Set me free from my prison,

that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me

because of your goodness to me.

Always cry out to God first (Let Him know if you are scared, doubting, fearful or any kind of pain) Many moments have been in a curled position before God crying out and (PSALM 142-1-2)

Reading scripture in Different moments of worry about my kids, family or frustration as my mind does not work on the level it did before the tumor was cut out.

2. HUGE!!!!! (vs 3) Trust God knows your journey and WILL Guide you faithfully. Psalm 139 “Every day was ordained for me and written in your book before one of them came to be) Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light unto my path.”
3. (vs 4 &6)Be aware of your warning signs (anxiety, fear, doubt, anger, whatever yours might be – learn what sets you down that path) even now in my new state of mind, I recognize if there is too much loud noises, to many conversations, I begin to feel overwhelmed. Too many people around (which was never a problem before) begins to set my radar going into overload. I have to step out of the situation and figure out what has to change. Even recently, I realize too much interaction at church is hard on me and I have to adjust to when I arrive and leave so not to come in to contact with too many people surrounding me. when I drive, I limit music, phones and kids have to chill or I can feel anxiety coming on. Makes me have a lot more conversations with God than before. I have to seek Him to be my peace and as always, He is. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians. 4:7 Know that thinking on the things of God will bring peace unlike anything else. This might consist of memorizing scriptures to help or have a little index card flip book for these specific moments.

 

 

4.  Have Accountability!   Surround yourself with godly, righteous people who will pray for you, Persistant prayer warriors and friends. Spiritual support system is HUGE!!!!! We find in Jeremiah 17:9 that “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” This verse helps us to understand even more why it is important to have accountability so we do not go down the road of deceit, anger, bitterness or get lost focusing on ourselves and our whoa’s, Oh the ugliness the heart can attain. When you have accountability, you have someone you trust who knows you to help make you aware of what is coming out of your heart. I have had 3 good friends in my life really call me out on my mess. It hurt and was not fun, at the time, but thankful for being held to the scriptures and walk with the Lord.

 

4. Ask those to pray, praise God, give Thanksgivings to God with you In honor of His faithfulness and goodness. (vs 7)
5. Philippians 4:6 we are taught “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Here is where I want to thank all of you who did hold me accountable through scripture, encouragement, sending me songs or just checking on me through text, bringing us meals, loving on my children, coming and helping us out while I was learning my processes again. Most of all, thank you for keeping up with this story of God’s through my blog, my husbands stories, my sister and families posts. All of your prayers for us and then your thanksgivings alongside us are exactly what David is talking about in Psalm 142:7 “then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me. As I studied what they meant by righteous, the commentary explained it was those who worshiped Jehovah. This includes many of you. You gathered alongside me and our family lifting up prayers and thanksgivings to God as you saw His goodness provided by His hand alone, ALL praises are to GOD alone for HE is GOOD and FAITHFUL to His children. This is not just my story, you are so very much a part of this journey, God’s story. Thank you my loving, faithful, sisters/brothers in Christ. I am beyond grateful and moved by the love you have shown to me, my family here and in TX. (vs 7)

 

6. You must believe NOW that God IS who He says He is and loves you. He desires to give you an amazing life but it will require you humbling yourself and putting it aside so that He can live in and through you. Until you do that, life will be a huge disappointment for you. God IS Sovereign. This means that God is in control – one of the hardest discussions for people to have as they want control and think they have control. NO ONE But GOD has control. So, to move forward living in faith. You must relent your control to GOD. (vs 5-6)

 

 

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will (God’s promise) strengthen you, surely I will ( God’s promise) help you, Surely I will (God’s promise) uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10 (this particular verse was sent to me many times through different people who know Christ. Always a verse I love to read over and over again. I love God’s promises and they are throughout the Old and New Testament.

I do not want the hole (fear of what may happen,  in my head to keep me imprisoned. I know that God has more for me  and does not want me to live under the fear satan desires to press upon me. God is greater than cancer, my memory, hair loss, my life and He will do as He pleases. in His time and His way. I get to sit back and enjoy the ride as I lean on Him alone.

 

As you read the different scriptures, calm your heart and mind first by asking God to help you focus He tells us in Jeremiah 29:13 that if we come to Him with ALL our hearts we He WILL meet us there.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14‘I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’

 

I am so very thankful we have an active God and One that desires to be found by us and be near to us. It does take putting all else aside and searching for Him with our whole heart. We can not just half pursue God. He is asking us to search with ALL of our hearts. Every part of us, good, bad or struggling . He already knows what is in us so why do we think we can hide all of our aches, struggles and frustrations from Him? Run after God with all you have and let those things fall at His feet. He will carry them and you. He does not ever let go. You are safe in Christ. Psalm 139:1-7 1You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

2You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

5You hem me in behind and before,