Is God’s Will​ What Is Best For Me?

“Seriously God, we just rescheduled our lives the last 3 years do to cancer throughout our family from Brain Cancer, NOn-Hodgkins lymphoma to 2 members who fought breast cancer. Now COVID-19 and all life turned upside down is what was going through my head. Tuesday night was a fight for me. I found out that for my boys to go to a youth camp in TX meant we would have to cancel our vacation plans to Montana with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law on Daniel’s side as the Christian youth camp we were sending our boys to in TX required anyone going to youth camp could not have traveled out of state for 14 days prior to camp on June 19th. I was not happy at all with this instruction. BUT, after getting off the phone with my brother, I turned to the wall in our bedroom and said aloud, “God, if this is Your Will and what You want for our boys and family, I trust You. I leave all in Your hands and want You to lead us to the right decision for what You have for us this summer.” I turned around and went to call Daniel to discuss. He was not answering his phone due to being in a meeting, I was getting frustrated and wanted to get this situation under control. FULLY aware I DON’T have any control in this world and NEVER Will. Have you EVER felt this way before? Knowing full well what I had just prayed and that I, myself had no control over this situation, my husband finally called and we discussed. He talked with the kids, I grew more ancy, He called back with a final decision which is not what I wanted but was reminded that I had given all to God and said I would trust Him. We would not go to MT and Ben alongside me and our other kids would leave for TX on June 3rd so the boys could go to youth camp with their Uncle Trey, my brother, my sister’s boys who are the same age and some of their best friends, my brothers 4 kids, who they do not get to see very often but love dearly and I get to see my family. No wrong could be found, just me wanting things done as I had planned earlier in the year. This is not the first time our plans have been interrupted nor will it be the last. So, why do I fight and throw a temper tantrum? Because of the illusion of control. While here on earth, I think I can make things happen how I want them to totally forget or maybe choosing to try to forget that God is in control of all things. Romans 11:36 explains this clearly “For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory.” King David sings out in Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body; ALL the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”  I have been given this life on earth to live for His glory and His plans as we are told by Paul in Ephesians 2:10 “ For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” So, how am I supposed to live this way?

1. SEEK HIS WILL and SUBMIT Yours: we are given a prayer in Matthew 6: 9-12 Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may YOUR name be kept holy. 10 May YOUR Kingdom come soon. May YOUR WILL be done on earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today the food we need,[a] 12 and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. May we understand and trust God to provide each day what we need, not always what we want and trust His hand in the provisions He provides no matter how it looks. I am fully aware this is easier said than done. But, in God’s power it is doable. Let’s do this together. Stay the course because by God’s strength we will endure. Lift your eyes up to God our Father. Hebrews 12:1b-2 “And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.^[a] Because of the joy^[b] awaiting him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”

2. TRUST He has good for you, not to harm you. God told Jeremiah after Moses died and Joshua was leading the Israelites into the Promise Land these words: Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Please understand, this does not mean it will be easy but it gives us hope that God wants to prosper us in His way for eternity, not about gaining materialism, trips, status, but as I shared earlier from Romans 11:36, ALL IS for HIS glory, not mine. Another verse instructs us how to trust:

Psalm 3:5-6 which was the one I leaned on during my Brain Cancer Journey: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to Him, and He WILL make your paths straight.” Again, God never says easy but He will direct us and He has never let me down. It may not go as I would like, but He has never steered me wrong. So, my brothers and sisters in Christ, please keep your eyes focused on Him and not your circumstances for we have no control and NEVER will but HE DOES. He has good for us so keep the faith and keep enduring each day for one day we will stand before Him and I want to hear WELL DONE. Let’s link arms and finish strong pointing one another to Christ during this journey here on earth.

Father God, I pray for each person reading this testimony of Your faithfulness and my lacking, You remain faithful even when we don’t. You love us regardless of our doubts, fears, failures, and won’t let go. May Your presence flood anyone reading this today that they will be renewed with strength on wings like eagles so they can soar above their circumstances instead of crawling below them in fear or doubt. Remind them of Your NEVERENDING love, peace, and a life they could never imagine that You have laid out for them. Be our strength, peace, and may how we live to be an encouragement, light in this world that others will see You in and through us and draw men towards You. May Your Will be done on earth and may we humbly bow before You trusting Your hand. Thank you for your patience, love, kindness, and goodness all the days of our lives Lord. We love You, Your children.

The Mind Battle

THE MIND BATTLE

Have you ever felt that your mind was under attack with the “What If’s” and “Why’s” that seem to take our eyes God being in control?

I spent a week (Aug 23-Sept 1) with a team from OK and our church in AZ, along with a friend from FL, helping build a church in Teresina, Brazil. What a blessed time. Last year, 2018, I was taking my final round of chemo and could not go. Apparently, I had told my husband I felt led to go back in December and he purchased tickets but I did not remember the conversation. I was a little anxious going as it was a very busy short summer. I started a new job 3 weeks before going. SO, it was a little overwhelming making sure my work was going well, packing, my parents coming in town to watch our kids, needing a schedule of all that was going on with kids for my parents and arranging communication between church, school pick-ups, softball and anything else they might need while we were away. Leaving for the trip, I was already rushed feeling, a little anxious, not normally a road I go down, but aware I was not spiritually prepared as in past years.

We got to Teresina and I was hoping to work with a friend, serving with the children’s ministry, and I did a couple of days. I also spent time with my husband, very needed for me, while we worked on the building.  In the past, I sat in the evangelism room most days and seldom hung out at the worksite. This time, I was able to be wherever and with whomever. Really did not have a specific role. On one end that is very odd, but in hindsight, I am starting to believe God had other plans for me.  Throughout the week, I dealt with pride, frustration, disappointment, and feeling like a failure. I was asked by one of the translators, Lo, who always helped Daniel and me in the past if I was going to do a woman’s night again?. To which I quickly responded “NO”. I was not feeling confident or ready as I have been struggling with speaking, to anyone these days, much less in front of people. I have been down on myself and my abilities to speak post brain surgery. I threw her question down quickly. During the week, as I watched one of our ladies minister with passion, joy and a very sensitive spirit. I felt myself get jealous, continually thinking, that used to be me.

On Friday night, we had the new building service with a packed house as Ray Strauss spoke. During this time, I went to a lady from Ray’s group and began to just weep as I needed to talk and she was very open and willing. In the next 30 minutes to an hour, she called me out as God led her and I received it openly. She shared how she heard me say “I  want “a lot and encouraged me to turn that into “God Wants instead”. She continued on as I began to share my struggles and she gently grabbed my hands and said: “Mindy, God loves you!” The tears began to flow. I knew this but for some reason, I needed to actually hear it said. Sharon prayed for me and we went back for the end of the service.

What I have learned from my week in Brazil is that my mind was in a battle and I had been listening to the enemy. I desired to give up because things were not going the way I wanted them to go and in the way I wanted them to happen. By chance have you found yourself fighting God, comparing yourself to others, wishing you were different? Reality is that these are all self-focused questions. I have known that pride is a huge battle for me and maybe that was why God had me go on this trip. It was not until 4:15pm on September 2, that it all came together with tears flowing down my face. I was listening to Laura Story’s song Blessings and decided to look up the album,  a song titled “Grace” caught me and I felt led to listen. After getting off the phone with mom, I watched the video with the lyrics so the words could sink into my mind. I will post it now and if you have time please listen. This was exactly what was going on inside of me.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BVxAYGt2kc

Below I am going to list what God showed me and what scripture says.

1. I struggled with confidence; I keep looking back to how God had made me passionate, confident in the calling on my life before cancer. The problem was I kept looking, and living in the past of who I was before the brain tumor and thinking it was all over now and God had passed the confidence and passion on to others.
   1. PRIDE: has a way of knocking us down and taking our eyes off of God. If you notice, Pride has “I’ right in the middle. I lived this out as

“I want to do this my way, God.” Basically, I am in control attitude.

“I made this happen God.” Here, I am telling God I am putting myself in His place. The above song posted writes the lyrics this way: “I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.” Reality is, none of the things I have done are in my strength or ability but from God above and His plans. Oh, how easy it is to be swayed by the devil that we are in control and can make things happen. 1 Timothy 4 warns us against falling into deceptive spirits and teachings. How we need to be reminded of who God is and all He has done in our lives. It is too easy to think we are high and mighty; taking God’s glory instead of giving Him the glory. Even walking through cancer, I had moments where I believed I would think it was my positive thinking or strength and that holds no truth. God graciously would remind me it was not of me that I was healed, but of Him alone and solely for His glory.

Many times, since my brain surgery,  I would tell my husband, “They are so much better at that than me and maybe God is done with me.” to which a pity party ensued and I was miserable. My husband never fell for it and would immediately pray for me and no doubt is getting tired of this “woe is me” attitude. Yet, he patiently attends to me, encourages me along with challenging me to keep chasing God.

1. 1. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Philippians 2:3
2. I struggled with jealousy, I kept looking at my friend and saying, “I used to be that way” and jealousy would creep up on me like a snake and cause me to not rejoice in how God was using her, but instead beat myself up, which again causes the focus to be on me instead of God.
   1. JEALOUSY: takes all the joy away from us and again eyes are off God and on self. Notice the word lousy is in jealousy. That is exactly how I had begun to feel and dragging others there if I am not careful. Thankful that God never leaves us there and as the song above asks, “How Many times will You pick me up?” I love it and am so very thankful He keeps picking me up, shaping me and loving me regardless of my pity parties, selfish decisions, and the many times I try to take control. He does not give up on me and has so much for me even though I will continually let Him down, He forgives and lifts me up.
      1. “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs14:30how I wish I had read this over and over and applied to my life. I could have avoided this pain and cause for some not coming to know Christ.
3. Lastly, I struggled with SELFISHNESS: I turned to my husband one night on the bus and said, for probably the 100th time post brain cancer surgery, “I am done, I am giving up! This is too hard and basically, no one is coming to me, as if I was God. I had picked up a God complex and again, I was the miserable one, isolating myself from others instead of the other way around. This was the hardest part of the trip for me, realizing the UGLINESS living inside my heart. But if that was God’s reason for me going  then, it was worth it to see this now instead of more years of pain, and worse, possibly causing some not to follow Christ.
   1. “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and EVERY evil thing.” James 3:16

Please understand, I share this with a very heavy heart as someone out there might be struggling with these same feelings and I want to encourage you to get battle-ready: How do you do that?

1.  ARMOR UP: Ephesians 6 is the best start
2.  PRAYER: “Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 when we do this, we keep our minds on God instead of our situations or circumstances we will be covered by His peace and hand of comfort.
3. ACCOUNTABILITY: Surround yourself with godly friends to hold you up in prayer and in your daily walk. I have friends along with my husband who always holds me accountable to what I say. They also check in on me now more than ever knowing my struggles. They also see God in me and what He can do so they hold me up in prayer with this understanding, instead of my “woe is me” view and it does help me to change my point of view.

During the week in Brazil, one of the missionaries, Rodrigo, stopped me and told me he saw my old smile back. Honestly, I laughed and did not believe him,  but he said it again, and I knew it was from God. My outside had that smile but my inside was shoving it down and trying to deny it coming out. Thank you, Rodrigo, for being persistent and not letting me walk away from this conversation. God used you, friend, and I will not forget! Much love and gratefulness!!!

Maybe you can relate to some of these issues, I pray God will use this honesty to challenge you to seek Him and be in His word. Honesty can be good if used to bring people to Christ but often times it is used to uplift one’s self or to clear one’s conscience, I have been guilty of this before. So, please chase after God and seek Him out. Here is a promise from Jeremiah 29. The Israelites continued to choose what they wanted before God’s desires for them and yet He still encouraged, warned and gave them chance after chance. This is for us too. Jeremiah leaves us with a word from God to encourage us to seek His desires first; though God does not like it, He does not give up on us and will always forgive us and give us a chance to change our ways. May this be a huge encouragement for you in your struggle, whatever it may be, that God is not done with you yet. He has so much more for you if you will let Him show you your faults, let Him clean you out, forgive you, raise you up and mold you into the amazing person He still wants to be your God and use you that other’s might come to know Him. Come along with me and let’s commit to doing this together today. Jeremiah 29:11-13

“For I KNOW the PLANS that I have FOR YOU,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare (Good) and not for calamity (harm) to GIVE YOU a FUTURE and a HOPE. 12‘Then you WILL call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I WILL (promise) listen to you. 13‘You WILL seek Me and find Me WHEN you search for Me with ALL your heart.”  We are in such GREAT hands friends!!!!

Father, I pray for whoever might be reading this tonight or in the morning. I ask that Your Spirit will fall all over them in love and peace. May they no longer beat themselves up for not attaining to perfection, recognizing that is impossible, but instead turn to You and live in Your unending sufficient grace and help me to do so as well. Thank You for loving Your children who mess up time and time again. Thank You for forgiving us and giving us many chances to shine bright for You. We love you, Father, amen.  May

24″The Lord bless you and keep you;
25  the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26  the Lord lift uphis countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

Have a wonderful weekend and keep looking up to God, He is waiting and ready to meet you where you are right now.

Feet Fitted For Service (Part 2)

It was Monday morning and I realized it was time to call the Dr. because this sinus infection was not going away by itself. My phone buzzed, the text was one of heartache and I felt led to go sit with my friend. Through tears and conversation came comfort and encouragement. God alone is to be trusted and in time will reveal His plan was the calming in the end. The waves were still churning but she was sitting in His hands, the boat of comfort and peace.

Feeling somewhat better on Tuesday, knowing I have a Dr. apt that morning, I decided to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill. I got ready, took the kids to school and ended up running into two friends. We talked, shared and encouraged standing in the hallway. Life is not easy and not always will the joyous fulfillment be seen everyday in everything done. Sometimes the job seems pointless, maybe a feeling of uselessness or even the struggle to just be thankful for what is in front of the eyes. It is hard sometimes to keep the eyes from focusing on the flood of muddiness instead of the beautiful flowers blooming in the midst.

Thursday came quickly and my medicine was starting to work. Off to the gym I went feeling hopeful, energized and motivated to workout. After working out, I was getting ready so I could go to the library and enjoy some quiet study time for myself. Before leaving the gym bathroom, a lady next to me looks at me and our eyes catch each others. At this point, you have to say something or it is just weird. I said hello and asked how she was. She began to share her heartaches and not wanting to get out of bed. Fortunately, she had an appointment with a trainer so it required her to show up. I listened, encouraged her and introduced myself. Now each time I go, I will be able to smile and encourage her by name. I can pray for her by name and maybe even open the door to Christ’s love and hope in this trying time of her life.

On the last day of the week, Friday, I was meeting with friends at my house. We grabbed pillows, sprawled out on the floor and just talked. Some tears flowed as disappointments from the week were shared, listened as scripture was read and encouragement given. It was a blessed time together and we left knowing we can be honest with each other and we truly love one another. I realized Jesus had fitted my feet each day this week to listen, encourage, pray and love others. It was a good week.

Not until Saturday night did God open my eyes to understand what I wrote last week about “Feet Fitted For Service” https://armslinkingarms.wordpress.com/2015/08/28/feet-fitted-for-service/. My husband and I went to dinner with some friends and she asked me about some of my experiences in Brazil. I began to share with her how I was blessed to encourage a young woman who had not valued her life one night. I was asked if I could talk with her and encourage her. Though I had no clue what I would say, God fitted my feet that afternoon for three hours to talk, encourage and pray with her. Her countenance changed and she came with us the rest of the week. She helped us by encouraging and sharing Christ with others. God fit her feet that week and used her in other’s lives.

All of the sudden, more stories flooded my mind, from teammates asking for prayer as they dealt with doubt, fear, insecurity and just wanting to know their role in Brazil.  I remembered going house to house not knowing what would happen at an given moment. I just said yes to Jesus and He fitted my feet for each person, situation and moment throughout the day.

I had some divine appointments, many meetings with those who knew Jesus and those became times of encouragement and prayer. I also had times of utter heart cries to God on behalf of children battling the decision of am I male or female, am I loved or not? The one closest to my heart was a specific young girl. Her family felt she dressed like a boy and was struggling with her identity. The pastor’s wife asked me to go and talk with her. I grabbed two of my friends, God led me to ask and they went with me. One friend drew many kids around as she played Frisbee on the street. Another friend, helped with salvation bracelets for all the children as we spoke to this young girl. God called each of us that day for different roles.

Sitting on the curb, this girl would not lift her head up, only hid under her ball cap. She had shaved her hair off because she did not like how it looked. Shame sat upon her and I could feel the overwhelming depth of this darkness. I began to pray and ask God to give me the words because nothing seemed to lift her head. He immediately told me to put my finger under her chin and bring her eyes to mine. Speak to her and tell her how much I love her and adore her. Tell her she is special to me. Tell her I will hold her head high because she is mine. I barely got through the words for tears were flooding down my cheeks as I tasted the saltiness. She finally lifted her head and her face was covered in tears as well. It was evident something had happened and she had no desire to share the details, but God was moving in her life. By the time we left, she was looking forward, instead of down. It was the beginning of her not hiding her face. God fitted my feet this day with the love and words I was to share. She came that afternoon and played Frisbee with me and she came to the celebration service on Friday night.

There are so many more stories to share with you, but maybe at a later time. I want you to know that God fits your feet every day. He will not leave you barefoot on rocky roads. He equips you daily with His power, love, joy, peace, hope and words. BUT, for you to truly understand and live this requires reading His words in scripture. Praying and seeking Him so you can draw close to Him and discern His voice. The peace I have now is amazing. It is the same peace I had in Brazil. It is Jesus fitting my feet each morning as I meet with Him and say YES. It does not matter where you are, HE WILL fit your feet each day, all you have to do is say YES. I know my calling and I know God is with me every step. He has made my feet beautiful to they carry His message and Truth. They carry His love, encouragement and hope. How are your feet doing? Did you go before God and let Him fit them with His gospel of peace today?