Praising God In The Valley

The song above is from Psalm 121, penned by King David and sung here by Brian Doerkson from 2012. This is a song to hold onto in times of fear, doubt, or any distress to help refocus our hearts and mind. The song is a great reminder for us to continue praising God regardless of our circumstances. How are we to praise God when we are dead tired, weary, emotional, and realistically, not in the right mind at all? What does that look like for each of us who have made Jesus our LORD and Savior?

One thing I will say, after struggling the last two weeks of weariness, emotional blindness, and physical brokenness; God never left me and with no doubt sustained every part of me so my eyes would not depart Him. I am going to walk you through the verses God led me to one night when I could not sleep in the storm.  I am working on memorizing three verses so that, in dark moments, I WILL remember His promise of being at my right hand, and I WILL NOT be shaken.

For the two weeks right after finishing Chemo,in August 2018, I struggled to sleep to the point of going 4 nights with no sleep or ability to eat, when I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. My stomach began to shrink and my body got weaker and weaker. The nights of sleeplessness, I would wander and find my bible to sit and read for comfort. I remember one late afternoon, yelling at God how terrible this was and where was He and when would He let me know He was there again? I would read David’s writings over and over again as prayers to God. I was talking with my sister one day as I cried in utter weariness and she said “At least your still talking to God, right Mindy?, He can handle it. He is Greater!” I remembered telling people this too pre tumor and saying “God already knows, so what is the harm in shouting it out to Him?” From here, I began reading Psalms asking God to show Himself to me. I came to Chapter 16 and the verses 8-11 hit home and comforted me with His promise!

Psalm 16: 8-11

8I have set the LORD continually before me;
Because He is at (Not a question,God is calling me to believe in the moment of harship and struggle He is at my right hand, 9Therefore my heart is glad (Brightens Up and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also WILL dwell(meaning, to settle down, abide) securely  (felt as this was God telling me my body will settle down securely but I have to have Him before me continually, listening, obeying, humbling self).

10For You  WILL NOT (Promise) abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor WILL (promise) You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.

11You WILL (Promise make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence IS (Promise) fullness of joy;
 In Your right hand there ARE (promise) pleasures forever.

so I would stretch my hand out next to me as if He was grasping it, at that moment)  my right hand, I WILL NOT be shaken (honestly, when I let my mind wander on the what if I don’t get sleep again, what if my brain never shuts off, what if this is my life from now on, I went into a dark pit of fear. I am reading through this post, which was started back in February 2020, and now in July of 2020, I am battling lack of sleep once again. It was 2 nights a week ago of no sleep and then 2 more nights this week so far. Tuesday night around 9:00, I remember saying this verse out loud and begging God for sleep as I was trying somthing new to help me sleep. It was not working like the gentlemen said it would so I got to sleep around 9:57 and slept until 12:30 when my husband accidentally dropped his phone on the ground and it woke me. I was not able to go back to sleep so I watched TV from 1:00 – 3:30, grabbed my phone charger and went upstairs to the guest room with 2 tylenol and slept from 4:00 – 6:30. I have a fitbit watch that tracks my sleep, not the deep sleep, so I wonder sometimes how accurate the FitBit really is. I believe I had a lot less sleep than the watch said. I went ahead and headed downstairs around 7:00 am and decided to run before it hit 100 degrees just To get my endorphines going so my heart and mind would not sink. It did help, but not before I was hit by the ugly angry bug. My sweet husband patiently looked at me while I vented, complained and skirted around my real issue of wanting to control everything instead of accepting where God has me. Instead, I attacked Daniel for waking me up andwanted to blame him for the bad night sleep. This seems to be my MO lately. God and I have had many conversations on this specific topic and I used to, with confidence share and challenge women to walk in His faithfulness with confidence and act like it was a breeze, not fully being patient, sympathetic or empathetic with them at all. Now, I have much more sympathy, empathy for what they are walking through. When life is handing you apples it is so easy to keep your head up and with a smile. It is much harder when things are more challenging just to carry a conversation and stay focused and not feel inadequate or capable of things I was able to do before. So, to say the least, the valley has been a more common hang out for me than the mountaintops post brain cancer. I want to give you some encouragement of how to walk this path, as I am learning, each day. Here are a few things that help me.

How have I learned to praise God in this valley? Not sure I have conquered this yet but I will give you some guidelines to help along this road.

1. VERBALLY THANK GOD FOR SOMETHING.Get up each day and verbally, out loud, say something you are thankful for to God. Father, LORD, JESUS, my SAVIOR, thank you for loving me, for my family, for sunshine, for the rain, for good days, for bad days, for friends, for life, for my children, for my job or whatever you feel led to say.
2. MAKE TIME TO READ GOD’S WORD. set aside time each morning before you do anything else to just sit quietly and praise Him then open the Bible and read His words with listening, learning ears and heart. You might need to download Bible Hub app or another to help you understand or reach out to a friend to discuss which usually turns into an encouragement time that we all need these days.
3. WRITE IN A JOURNAL WHAT GOD IS TEACHING YOU. I have notebooks filled with prayers, ventings, praises lifted, verses God led me to read with what God showed me in scripture as different things would stand out, I would write the verses under the date in case I ever wanted to go back and see what was going on at that point in my life. Something you can also pass along to your children one day in hopes that they will gain insight from what you have learned or the ability to share with another in their time of struggle.
4. MAKE A PRAISE PLAYLIST ON YOUR MUSIC APP. I have a worship list,a promises of God list, Songs of Praise, Encouragement, Who I am in Christ, Who God Is, Who Jesus Is, Living For Christ, Favorite Hyms List, Healing, Blessings, Needing Rest, Holy Spirit – this one I use to start off my time with God while asking Him to come and be present with me. Have God lead you to what will help you focus on Him. Calm your heart and mind that you can sit without distractions for at least 20 – 30 minutes or more depending on how long it takes you. No set time limits as if I don’t get up before my kids, it will take me upwards of 2 hours to get through my readings depending on how many questions they have or help they may need, yes, these are the distractions so maybe find a room with a lock. I have older kids so it’s doable for me. If you have younger I don’t recommend hiding in your room with your door locked.

Make God a priority so you don’t forget to praise Him, even in the valley’s. Father, not every day is it easy to humble myself and come before you as I want to do other things first, watch tv, play with the dog, go running to beat the heat, go back to sleep, read a book, meet a friend for something, but I am fully aware that my time with you will set a presedence for my day and how I WILL be able to handle the hard moments, joyful moments, distractions and interactions in life. Please may I find favor with You when I read Your word that I WILL gain insight and understanding of your WORD or know where to go to study it deeper or with whom. Open my eyes, heart and mind to You each day LORD and grow my desire to meet with You no matter what obstacles are thrown my way that I may seek You and find You as You promise us in Matthew 7:7-8; “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you WILL find; knock and the door WILL be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door WILL be opened.” This is a promise God gives us that if we seek Him, we WILL find Him. Amen.

I know you may be tired, weary and wanting to give up. Please don’t. Keep lifting Your eyes to Jesus, THE WAYMAKER, SAVIOR, HELPER, HEALER, ROCK, REFUGE, RESTORER, REDEEMER. FORGIVER, RESTGIVER, Here is a song King David penned, the commentaries are not sure if was when he was facing battle or just during his travels he wrote this, but Matthew Henry’s Commentary writes: “But we need not thus appropriate it; wherever we are, at home or abroad, we are exposed to danger more than we are aware of; and this psalm directs and encourages us to repose ourselves and our confidence in God, and by faith to put ourselves under his protection and commit ourselves to his care, which we must do, with an entire resignation and satisfaction, in singing this psalm. I. David here assures himself of help from God (v. 1, 2). II. He assures others of it (v. 3-8).

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?

2My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

3He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber.

4Behold, the Protector of Israel will not slumber or sleep.

5The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is the shade on your right hand.

6The sun will not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

7The LORD will guard you from all evil; He will preserve your soul.

8The LORD will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore

The Knotted Weave

Shattered, scattered, splitting apart

Is the season of my heart.

 

Searching, Asking, trying to hear

Your voice, is it near?

 

Answers, direction, guidance please share.

Are you listening do you care?

 

My thoughts are not good, often deceiving,

The struggles just keep on weaving.

 

The thread is strong, the battle hard.

My arms are tired, where is my lifeguard?

 

No end in sight only darkness all around,

Evil is winding through this battleground.

 

Weariness, Doubt, Shame interlink;

Don’t let these fabrications begin to sync.

 

I cry, my last plea, in anguish above the noise;

Fearing all hope is about to be destroyed.

 

My arms, eyes, hands and feet are tired.

My heart is weakened, losing all desires.

 

Piece by piece falling apart;

Only You can undo this knotted heart.

 

You say you will sustain me, carry me too;

Here is what’s left of me, the last residue.

 

Tears replace words, the trade has been made.

The weave is snagged, it’s time for a new braid.

 

I am told you make all things new.

Can you fix the pattern and weave a life change in me too?

 

So, my eyes look to YOU,

my hands serve YOU,

my tongue speaks of YOU

my feet follow YOU,

my hope is only in YOU?

 

Dressed by the Vinedresser

Whether dressed in green leaves or naked and bare, I will always love this tree. It is majestic, beautiful, strong and firm. Some think this tree is over 200 years old. Standing so confident even though it has lost most of its clothing. It is only a season and its attire will come back strong in the spring as always.

Driving by this tree, on January fourth, my eyes welled up with tears. I turned around, stopped the car and sat across the way, my heart felt connected. I was, as this tree, bare. Feeling my 2016 had started off naked, fragile to the storms as if I had no layer to protect me.  The security and confidence that was my usual clothing seemed far away. Strength, the coating my physique carried, seemed gone. So many outward circumstances had affected how I saw my inward self, weak and bare. Tears flowed down my cheeks in a matter of seconds, the vulnerability of my aching heart was on my sleeve. No outward covering to keep it in the shadows.

Reflecting upon 2015, I remembered the pruning and shaping of God’s hand. On the outside, it easily looked like I was dressed in green and flourishing but on the inside I felt like I was fully undressed.  Without my covering and only some of the prickly bark left, each storm caused me to feel weaker, unprotected and more vulnerable. God was making me lean on Him more as each season swept through.  Accessible, unveiled and on display, swaying with each season I tried harder to understand why this was happening to me. I had been growing and digging my roots deeper with God, yet now it was as if my roots could not find the river. I could not hear His voice or understand His direction. Where was the nourishment coming from? Why was no water reaching my roots?

Prayer time became a search, plea to understand this struggle and why I remained here in this naked, stunted state. One by one, God began to reveal what was stunting my growth. Each sin of arrogance, doubt, fear, selfishness, unloving which all stemmed from pride was brought forward for me to confess. The pruning started to shape a reality of my need for Him. He reminded me there is always hope and He has not given up on me. He reminded me when He prunes me, He is making room for fresh, healthy new growth. His river of grace flowed reminding me He is the provider of nourishment for my roots.

I had prayed: Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24.  In praying this prayer, I opened the door for God to prune me and cut back anything not of him. I am the true vine and the Father is my vinedresser. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15: 1-2

I enter 2016 naked and bare with the hope to begin being covered again. God will continue to prune the old ways out of me so He can grow my branches to love Him and live for Him in this world. He quenches my thirst with His rivers of water and pours out His rays of encouragement as I worship Him. The Lords word provides the minerals to enrich my core. I have hope that my branches will be wrapped with the fruits of His joy, love, peace, gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness and self control (Galatians 5:22) in hopes that I will be a tall tree, rooted in Christ that others will come to be rooted in Him too.

Maybe you started off the year like me. Don’t run from God, the greatest source of nourishment.  Rather, run to Him and let Him clean out the old misconceptions, lies from the devil, judgements, resentments, doubts, fears and replace these with His promise of hope in Jesus Christ. Join me in 2016 and believe that God is with you, will never leave you and can nourish you wherever you are right now. I believe He will dress me like nothing I could ever imagine and He WILL do the same for you.

Father, today may you remind your child that you are near. You are their hope for life. You desire to know them and nourish them. Lord, if they are feeling bare, may you wrap your arms around them that they will know you have them covered. Dress them with your strength and comfort through the storms as you guide their feet. We praise you Lord for you are God Almighty. We know that you hear our prayers today and are training, teaching, correcting, rebuking and growing your children for good things (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Nothing is too difficult for you. Thank you Father for loving me. Blessings.

 

 

The Undertow of Life and God’s Overwhelming Love

Tuesday was one of those days I would rather not do over again. Actually, would like to forget it ever existed, unfortunately, I cannot. My heart and mind remember each significant moment.

My day began with my usual trip to the gym for physical torture. Afterward, I went to the library to work on a talk for a retreat. My time with God was shorter than usual, probably not wise since I wanted His guidance on what to say. Searching for His peace, words and passion to light my page afire, yet they seemed far away. Today every little thing around me distracted me as well as conversations I had the night before and earlier that morning. Thoughts in my head of ‘you are being left out, he does not have time for you, you are not smart enough, you are a bad mom and you can’t do this’ appeared like constant waves in the ocean. Being raised in a strong Christian home, I remember being taught from scripture “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). I felt as the undercurrent of these thoughts were going to sweep me out to sea. Swimming against the current, tired and worn, if I lose I will sink into the depths of darkness.

Thirty minutes later, a strong undertow pulled me down.  This was so personal that I was overwhelmed by the pressure and the waves stormed into my heart. Self pity swirled in first followed by judgement and anger. Self doubt and rejection rolled right behind filling my heart with blackness. The holy WOE IS ME, if you can call it that, flooded over me. I sent a text in frustration instead of trying to get clear communication. These barnacles were now sucking the truth out of me while the lies were pouring into the crevices of my heart. It was as if, in a moment of time, I had forgotten how much my family loves me, God above is for me, my friends love me and that God is my strength when I am weak. All the memories and life walked together were swept away by these waves of lies.

Later that day, still feeling WOE IS ME, my daughter came and gave me a hug. She kissed me on the cheek and told me she loves me. Tears welled up and began to wash away the lie that I am a bad mom and not sufficient. My heart began to see sunlight in the smile, blue eyes and arms of my little girl. Seeing blue sky, I cried out to God, asking to see as he sees. I needed Him to stop this whirlpool of doubt that was swirling in my heart. He began to pull me out and my eyes opened to how easily I had been dragged by the deceiver out into the deep. I was reminded in scripture today how great Jesus is and so much stronger than me; “This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence, whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything”. (I John 3:19-20). Again, I was overwhelmed. This time by God’s love and forgiveness, not by the deceiver’s lies.

When the deceiver tries to deluge me with lies, I have the Great and Mighty God to defend me. I can cry out to Jesus for He alone will catch each droplet trying to fill the ocean of my mind. Jesus floods the depths my soul with His love, He is the One who conquered death and is fighting for me daily. Let Jesus take up the sword against the deceiver today. He alone will import His Truths of who you are and whose you are so the deceiver no longer can control your mind. Remember, you are a child of the King! “Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God” Galatians 4:7.

Father, today I ask you watch over your children and protect their heart and mind. Be their Guide through rough waters so the waves of deceit do not take over. We are weak Lord, but you are strong. Be our strength today and remind us of your promises that we do not have to be slaves to theses lies. We have You, watching over us. All we have to do is cry out to You and you will save us. Thank you Lord for loving your us so much that each thought matters to You. Bless your children this day that they will be filled with your presence, joy and go forth encouraged.