The Mind Battle

THE MIND BATTLE

Have you ever felt that your mind was under attack with the “What If’s” and “Why’s” that seem to take our eyes God being in control?

I spent a week (Aug 23-Sept 1) with a team from OK and our church in AZ, along with a friend from FL, helping build a church in Teresina, Brazil. What a blessed time. Last year, 2018, I was taking my final round of chemo and could not go. Apparently, I had told my husband I felt led to go back in December and he purchased tickets but I did not remember the conversation. I was a little anxious going as it was a very busy short summer. I started a new job 3 weeks before going. SO, it was a little overwhelming making sure my work was going well, packing, my parents coming in town to watch our kids, needing a schedule of all that was going on with kids for my parents and arranging communication between church, school pick-ups, softball and anything else they might need while we were away. Leaving for the trip, I was already rushed feeling, a little anxious, not normally a road I go down, but aware I was not spiritually prepared as in past years.

We got to Teresina and I was hoping to work with a friend, serving with the children’s ministry, and I did a couple of days. I also spent time with my husband, very needed for me, while we worked on the building.  In the past, I sat in the evangelism room most days and seldom hung out at the worksite. This time, I was able to be wherever and with whomever. Really did not have a specific role. On one end that is very odd, but in hindsight, I am starting to believe God had other plans for me.  Throughout the week, I dealt with pride, frustration, disappointment, and feeling like a failure. I was asked by one of the translators, Lo, who always helped Daniel and me in the past if I was going to do a woman’s night again?. To which I quickly responded “NO”. I was not feeling confident or ready as I have been struggling with speaking, to anyone these days, much less in front of people. I have been down on myself and my abilities to speak post brain surgery. I threw her question down quickly. During the week, as I watched one of our ladies minister with passion, joy and a very sensitive spirit. I felt myself get jealous, continually thinking, that used to be me.

On Friday night, we had the new building service with a packed house as Ray Strauss spoke. During this time, I went to a lady from Ray’s group and began to just weep as I needed to talk and she was very open and willing. In the next 30 minutes to an hour, she called me out as God led her and I received it openly. She shared how she heard me say “I  want “a lot and encouraged me to turn that into “God Wants instead”. She continued on as I began to share my struggles and she gently grabbed my hands and said: “Mindy, God loves you!” The tears began to flow. I knew this but for some reason, I needed to actually hear it said. Sharon prayed for me and we went back for the end of the service.

What I have learned from my week in Brazil is that my mind was in a battle and I had been listening to the enemy. I desired to give up because things were not going the way I wanted them to go and in the way I wanted them to happen. By chance have you found yourself fighting God, comparing yourself to others, wishing you were different? Reality is that these are all self-focused questions. I have known that pride is a huge battle for me and maybe that was why God had me go on this trip. It was not until 4:15pm on September 2, that it all came together with tears flowing down my face. I was listening to Laura Story’s song Blessings and decided to look up the album,  a song titled “Grace” caught me and I felt led to listen. After getting off the phone with mom, I watched the video with the lyrics so the words could sink into my mind. I will post it now and if you have time please listen. This was exactly what was going on inside of me.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BVxAYGt2kc

Below I am going to list what God showed me and what scripture says.

1. I struggled with confidence; I keep looking back to how God had made me passionate, confident in the calling on my life before cancer. The problem was I kept looking, and living in the past of who I was before the brain tumor and thinking it was all over now and God had passed the confidence and passion on to others.
   1. PRIDE: has a way of knocking us down and taking our eyes off of God. If you notice, Pride has “I’ right in the middle. I lived this out as

“I want to do this my way, God.” Basically, I am in control attitude.

“I made this happen God.” Here, I am telling God I am putting myself in His place. The above song posted writes the lyrics this way: “I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.” Reality is, none of the things I have done are in my strength or ability but from God above and His plans. Oh, how easy it is to be swayed by the devil that we are in control and can make things happen. 1 Timothy 4 warns us against falling into deceptive spirits and teachings. How we need to be reminded of who God is and all He has done in our lives. It is too easy to think we are high and mighty; taking God’s glory instead of giving Him the glory. Even walking through cancer, I had moments where I believed I would think it was my positive thinking or strength and that holds no truth. God graciously would remind me it was not of me that I was healed, but of Him alone and solely for His glory.

Many times, since my brain surgery,  I would tell my husband, “They are so much better at that than me and maybe God is done with me.” to which a pity party ensued and I was miserable. My husband never fell for it and would immediately pray for me and no doubt is getting tired of this “woe is me” attitude. Yet, he patiently attends to me, encourages me along with challenging me to keep chasing God.

1. 1. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Philippians 2:3
2. I struggled with jealousy, I kept looking at my friend and saying, “I used to be that way” and jealousy would creep up on me like a snake and cause me to not rejoice in how God was using her, but instead beat myself up, which again causes the focus to be on me instead of God.
   1. JEALOUSY: takes all the joy away from us and again eyes are off God and on self. Notice the word lousy is in jealousy. That is exactly how I had begun to feel and dragging others there if I am not careful. Thankful that God never leaves us there and as the song above asks, “How Many times will You pick me up?” I love it and am so very thankful He keeps picking me up, shaping me and loving me regardless of my pity parties, selfish decisions, and the many times I try to take control. He does not give up on me and has so much for me even though I will continually let Him down, He forgives and lifts me up.
      1. “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs14:30how I wish I had read this over and over and applied to my life. I could have avoided this pain and cause for some not coming to know Christ.
3. Lastly, I struggled with SELFISHNESS: I turned to my husband one night on the bus and said, for probably the 100th time post brain cancer surgery, “I am done, I am giving up! This is too hard and basically, no one is coming to me, as if I was God. I had picked up a God complex and again, I was the miserable one, isolating myself from others instead of the other way around. This was the hardest part of the trip for me, realizing the UGLINESS living inside my heart. But if that was God’s reason for me going  then, it was worth it to see this now instead of more years of pain, and worse, possibly causing some not to follow Christ.
   1. “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and EVERY evil thing.” James 3:16

Please understand, I share this with a very heavy heart as someone out there might be struggling with these same feelings and I want to encourage you to get battle-ready: How do you do that?

1.  ARMOR UP: Ephesians 6 is the best start
2.  PRAYER: “Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 when we do this, we keep our minds on God instead of our situations or circumstances we will be covered by His peace and hand of comfort.
3. ACCOUNTABILITY: Surround yourself with godly friends to hold you up in prayer and in your daily walk. I have friends along with my husband who always holds me accountable to what I say. They also check in on me now more than ever knowing my struggles. They also see God in me and what He can do so they hold me up in prayer with this understanding, instead of my “woe is me” view and it does help me to change my point of view.

During the week in Brazil, one of the missionaries, Rodrigo, stopped me and told me he saw my old smile back. Honestly, I laughed and did not believe him,  but he said it again, and I knew it was from God. My outside had that smile but my inside was shoving it down and trying to deny it coming out. Thank you, Rodrigo, for being persistent and not letting me walk away from this conversation. God used you, friend, and I will not forget! Much love and gratefulness!!!

Maybe you can relate to some of these issues, I pray God will use this honesty to challenge you to seek Him and be in His word. Honesty can be good if used to bring people to Christ but often times it is used to uplift one’s self or to clear one’s conscience, I have been guilty of this before. So, please chase after God and seek Him out. Here is a promise from Jeremiah 29. The Israelites continued to choose what they wanted before God’s desires for them and yet He still encouraged, warned and gave them chance after chance. This is for us too. Jeremiah leaves us with a word from God to encourage us to seek His desires first; though God does not like it, He does not give up on us and will always forgive us and give us a chance to change our ways. May this be a huge encouragement for you in your struggle, whatever it may be, that God is not done with you yet. He has so much more for you if you will let Him show you your faults, let Him clean you out, forgive you, raise you up and mold you into the amazing person He still wants to be your God and use you that other’s might come to know Him. Come along with me and let’s commit to doing this together today. Jeremiah 29:11-13

“For I KNOW the PLANS that I have FOR YOU,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare (Good) and not for calamity (harm) to GIVE YOU a FUTURE and a HOPE. 12‘Then you WILL call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I WILL (promise) listen to you. 13‘You WILL seek Me and find Me WHEN you search for Me with ALL your heart.”  We are in such GREAT hands friends!!!!

Father, I pray for whoever might be reading this tonight or in the morning. I ask that Your Spirit will fall all over them in love and peace. May they no longer beat themselves up for not attaining to perfection, recognizing that is impossible, but instead turn to You and live in Your unending sufficient grace and help me to do so as well. Thank You for loving Your children who mess up time and time again. Thank You for forgiving us and giving us many chances to shine bright for You. We love you, Father, amen.  May

24″The Lord bless you and keep you;
25  the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26  the Lord lift uphis countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

Have a wonderful weekend and keep looking up to God, He is waiting and ready to meet you where you are right now.

18 Month MRI Update & Prayer Requests

Last Thursday I went for an MRI for my 18-month followup. I went in January for an MRI and it was still the same with the scans still having some inflammation around the surgery resection location. The photo below shows the previous scans with the white inflammation.

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Going into the MRI last week, I had anxiety for the first time as I had many headaches this past few months between MRI’s and doctors visits. I wasn’t fearful of the outcome as I really do feel like the cancer is totally gone and have a feeling of great peace. I really can’t explain the anxiety that crept over me driving alone to the new MRI location. Maybe it was a new place farther away to have a higher degree scan for more clarity. It was not because I was alone as I usually go to MRI appts by myself. Maybe it was the little girl screaming as they took her grandpa back and grandma would not suffice. All I remember is a feeling of fear trying to creep into my mind and heart. I immediately got my phone and messaged some people to please start praying, knowing this was not of God whatsoever. I know satan likes to attack at night when I am tired and it’s dark. He also likes to attack when I am alone and more vulnerable. Fortunately, I did not leave the house that morning without having some time with God and suited up with Ephesians 6: God’s full suit of armor.  Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteousness, Shield of Faith, Belt of Truth, Shod my feet with the readiness of the gospel of peace. My mother gave this to me many years ago and I love seeing her stand so confidently, as all Christians should, knowing that God will never leave them nor forsake them but stand alongside us, walking through each battle or per scripture: Exodus 14:14 ““The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” He was talking to the Israelites here but it stands for us today, many generations later, that He still fights for us every minute of the day and He is our peace IF we trust in Him.

By the time I was taken back for the MRI I was much calmer, which was good because the nurse could not get the contrast needle in my arm the first two tries. I now have bruised arms and look like someone beat me. I was told it should be gone in a couple of weeks. Just another fun part to the story added. That did not make me nervous either and assumed once I was in the MRI, the nurse would do the contrast easily and it worked; third times a charm. It took around 45 minutes for all the scans and then I was gone. They handed me the disc and home I went. Now for the results.

RESULTS OF MRI:

After last Thursday and not having anyone with me, I mentioned to the texting group I was in that my husband signed up to help at VBS if needed and it just so happened he was and it was at the exact time of my neuro-oncology followup appt. My mother, who was one of the ladies in the texting group was not happy of me going by myself so another friend offered to go and my mother responded with a quick  ” I will answer for Mindy, YES!” and so Erin and I were able to work out together, she went with me and met Dr. P and Charlotte, his NP, who I so love as she is a strong Christian who I can talk with and share with a mutual understanding of who God. No conversation throws her but she just gently listens, responds, and encourages with grace and understanding.  So, covered in peace, joy and having a great day it just got better as Dr. P popped in to say goodbye but was so happy with my scans and you could feel the joy in telling me they looked wonderful and these were the best he’s seen in last 2 years. All the inflammation was gone and said you have many years ahead. Go enjoy your family trip and your life ahead. He sounded very confident that the treatment did its job. I walked out of there very excited and encouraged, almost somewhat giddy while Erin and I’s stomachs were growling and ready for sushi. We headed out for a great meal and God talk. What a great day and then I received some more amazing news: I have been asking you to please pray for Mr. Larry Papizan and his wife Faith as they battle his cancer and received this update later this afternoon and for all of you who have been praying, THANK YOU

Here is my result from today:

Prayer Requests and updates:

1. Larry Papizan. PRAISE & Cont’d prayers requested: 

This is GREAT NEWS! Thank you for your prayers!!! Please continue to pray for him during the last 7 treatments as they are hard on his body. Pray for strength, endurance, peace, and comfort for him and his wife as she walks through this with him. Please pray for the overflowing presence of the Lord in their home, where he gets the infusions and for all doctors and nurses to see God’s hand in all of this. Pray for their 3 children and all their grandchildren as well. May they see God’s hand and His testimony be shared throughout their community and city in Mississippi.

2. Please continue to pray for Olivia Streckfuss as she is home but this week during VBS has had some hard moments as she wants to run and play but it becomes very painful if anyone bumps her leg or it moves wrong. Please pray for strength to be regained in her leg so it does not get weaker. Please pray for endurance, patience, and comfort for her family as they walk this journey with her. May they be covered in God’s wisdom for all circumstances, surgeries, doctor appointments and travel in months or years to come. Please continue to pray for miraculous healing of this disease as doctors are still learning about what all it can do and how to treat it effectively.

3. Julie Keim – a dear friend who has a brain tumor that is inoperable and causes extreme headaches. Pray for it to shrink away as she has no insurance right now and can’t follow up with MRI’s. I am also praying for it to just go away totally. Pray for strength, endurance, comfort as well for this affects eyesight, ears, jaw and more. Lift Julie, Jonas, their whole family up please for total healing.

4. Shannon Lude: Shannon is on hospice and living with a home that takes care of those who really have no understanding of what is going on around them. Please pray for Shannon as she is away from her family. Pray for comfort, peace and rest. May God’s peace be all over her right now.

Thank you all for your prayers for people you do not even know. Thank you for loving Jesus and willing to link arms with people to lift them up before God with cries of healing, mercy, grace, love, strength, hope, and endurance. Blessings and may God make His face to shine upon you all today.

The Knotted Weave

Shattered, scattered, splitting apart

Is the season of my heart.

 

Searching, Asking, trying to hear

Your voice, is it near?

 

Answers, direction, guidance please share.

Are you listening do you care?

 

My thoughts are not good, often deceiving,

The struggles just keep on weaving.

 

The thread is strong, the battle hard.

My arms are tired, where is my lifeguard?

 

No end in sight only darkness all around,

Evil is winding through this battleground.

 

Weariness, Doubt, Shame interlink;

Don’t let these fabrications begin to sync.

 

I cry, my last plea, in anguish above the noise;

Fearing all hope is about to be destroyed.

 

My arms, eyes, hands and feet are tired.

My heart is weakened, losing all desires.

 

Piece by piece falling apart;

Only You can undo this knotted heart.

 

You say you will sustain me, carry me too;

Here is what’s left of me, the last residue.

 

Tears replace words, the trade has been made.

The weave is snagged, it’s time for a new braid.

 

I am told you make all things new.

Can you fix the pattern and weave a life change in me too?

 

So, my eyes look to YOU,

my hands serve YOU,

my tongue speaks of YOU

my feet follow YOU,

my hope is only in YOU?

 

Wake Up Like David

But David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This very day the LORD will deliver you into my hand.’ (1 Samuel 17:45-46)

It was on November 1, 2007 (my sons 5^th birthday) as I was packing to move to Arizona, the next day, when my mother walked upstairs telling me to call one of my closest friends. She would not tell me what happened but I sensed it was bad. I called right then and with a slow broken voice she said, “Mindy, my father died today.” Her dad was young and like a father to me. My heart melted for his family. I immediately went to the hospital and saw her mother. We hugged and she told me how proud this man had been of me. I cried and held on to her for as long as I could. My father, friend of the family too, stood beside me the whole time. I grabbed him next and cried avoiding the reality of this type of phone call as I was moving to AZ that week.

Five days later, the church was filled with NFL football players, professional baseball players, other sports team players, family friends, co-workers, friends of their children and the largest attended funeral I have ever been to. These giants of men, wept, as some testified to the impact this man of God had on their lives. Each of his children stood up and shared about the example their father was and influence he had in their lives. Every testimony given that day shared how he lived consistently, passionately and with integrity for the Lord. He was not only a chaplain to these professional sports teams, but also to a plumbing company, mentored men, taught Sunday School, devoted to his wife and loved her passionately, loved his children and grandchildren, served at his church and fought the daily battle knowing the Lord was on his side. He trusted and believed the Lord of Hosts was with him each and every day.

            O LORD God of Heaven’s Armies! Where is there anyone

            as mighty as you, O LORD? You are entirely faithful.  (Psalm 89:8)

David awoke and walked out, in confidence to fight Goliath. David had stones while Goliath had a large sword and a shield. David’s confidence came because he had the Lord of Hosts on his side, not because of the stones. He knew he would not lose. My friend’s father walked into each day the same way. His giants may not have been 9 ft tall, like David’s, but they were men trained to rage on the field and defend their titles. They are men who are giants to us as we watch them compete brutally to win every week on TV. They are skilled and trained at what they do. Yet, this man could walk up to them with the strength of a lion and speak to their hearts because He knew who was with him and for them. The Lord of Hosts, the God of Angel Armies was on his side and wanted these men to know God was for them too.

We all face 9ft giants daily. They look different for each of us. Maybe they are more like mine; the daily routines, fears and lies from the world. Some of yours might be health issues, job related or finances but we all have our giants. We do not have to fight them alone. We have the Lord, the God of Heaven’s Armies on our side. We can start each day walking in confidence knowing God is with us and for us. In Ephesians 6, Paul tells us to put on the armor of the Lord. Not only is He with us, but He covers us in His power and attire. He does not leave us to battle the 9ft giants alone.

My friend’s father was not a big man, yet he met with giants of men every day. Sharing with them about the hope of Christ and without fear. He would walk into a room of NFL football players, MLB players, tough plumbers and students seeing children of the King. He did not run in fear, but walked in confidence that his Lord and Savior had already gone before him each step he took. His passion and belief in God was so real and I knew it because I saw it in him.

When we pray to “The Lord of Hosts” YAHWEH TSEBAOTH (yah-WEH tse-ba-OATH), we are praying to a God so magnificent that all creation serves its purpose.” (Ann Spangler The Names of God) God IS greater than anything and anyone else. No other comes close to comparing to God.

I know, per scripture I read, that God fights for me and His angels surround me every day. Yet I fall distracted by my own inadequacies, letting fear step in telling me I can’t handle what lies ahead. God gently reminds me, Mindy, I am the Lord of Hosts. Begin each day in confidence knowing I and my armies are with you. You don’t have to fight the battles alone, I will fight them for you. Keep your eyes on me.

Right now, you can recognize the Lord of Hosts and know He is on your side walking with you, before you and behind you. You do not have to live in fear of your 9ft giants anymore. Do you want to live in this freedom and promise? Cry out to God now! Let Him know you desire a relationship with Him this very moment. Tell Jesus you are sorry for your sins and want Him to forgive you. Accept His forgiveness and grab a hold of your Savior’s hand and live in the confidence that you are set free. Every time you begin to feel like the 9ft giant is trying to step in and knock you down, pick up God’s word (rock of Truth) and tell the devil you have the Lord of Hosts on your side and will not be defeated. Stand in confidence this day, no longer waking up afraid for what the day holds because you…

 

NOW ARE WAKING UP LIKE DAVID.